so today i'm super bored.!. wow i haven't written in here for 10 days. big reason is when i wanted to get on here the damn websit was blocked. like really. why is it blocked for a couple days and not for a day. . kinda frustrating.
all of the choir kids are gone. which include trevor, kelsey, and matt. um yeah. i have no one to talk to. i have no one to sit by at lunch. barely anyone in classes. i kinda wish i was in choir. but i like not being in it. more time to do homework and stuff. i have so much to write but i don't know where to start. eh
STATE is this weekend. i hope i can stay. i hope kelsey can stay to. we'd be staying in a room with like 12 ppl. there is gonna be alot of ppl on the floor. but trevor gets bed. which means i get bed lol. and if kelsey stays she gets bed also. cuz i'm not gonna let one of my best friends sleep on the floor. she'll sleep on my side of the bed. no other girl will be sleepin by trevor. i'm just that protective lol. but i hope me and kelsey can stay. i'm really hoping.. even if it was just friday night.
trevor asked me to do him a favor yesterday. and that was to go and check the sump pump or whatever to see if it was working and to see if the floor was wet or anything. so i'm like yeah ok sure. so i went over. i didn't care what i looked like cuz i thought i wasn't gonna see anyone. well i got there went downstairs to the utility room. he jumps out at me and grabs me. scarres the hell outta me. idk i was kinda acting weird cuz i was in shock and i looked like shit. i was wearing no make-up, hair was up, wearing sweats, have my period and i have a huge zit on my cheek. i just want it gone. anyway. he said he was comming back on wednesday with his family. but he came back for the music thing today. kinda weird but he did. i wouldn't of came back. ha but oh well. i got to see him. i missed him.
friday: i stayed home. trevor was gone and i didn't want to do anything. cuz i wasn't gonna see him. i just wanted to hug him tight.
saturday night. i was in the mood to go out. so i did. i went out with matt, abbey, shelby, & becca. i guess kelsey wanted to hang out with jonny and watch a movie or something and becca wanted to go out. so i'm like ok i'll take her out. we went out to the summer house. it was pretty lame but i'm sure she would rather be doing something than sit there in the dark and watch a movie cuddling with herself.. there was probably about 50 ppl out at summer house by like 10:30. we went home at 11:30. it was pretty lame. but whatever. we just sat there and talked. didn't drink or anything. but thats alright. doesn't hurt anything. i kinda wish me and becca coulda talked more. like more in detail and stuff. but it seemed like she wasn't that interested.
i'm in spanish right now. i wanna shoot myself. just i need something to do. i can hardly pay attention. i need someone to talk to. i wanna cuddle or something. sleep. watch a movie. anything but be at school.
oh well i guess. i'll probably write later cuz i have nothing else to do. i'll have more to talk about i'm sure. . .
Monday, March 15, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
blah.
so today i think is a good day. woke up happy. showered, dressed, did my hair. yeah i straightened my hair for the first time this week ha. i had it up all week but today is the day that i straightened it. and it looks good lol. i'm in such a good mood. i love it. i want to talk to everyone and anyone. talk and giggle and not do homework. haha
me and trevor talked on the phone last night for like 3 hours! he had a list of things for us to talk about. i'm glad we talked about whatever he had. we talked about me talking to matt nelson and john cain. cuz like i get upset when he talks to some girls. which i understand why he gets upset. but i told him i don't even have a crush on matt nelson anymore, i mean yeah he's cute and all but i just don't really like what he does. like he pooped in the basement out at the summer house. really.!. thats discusting. learn how to respect ppl's things, espscially at a house! and he hooked up with kayla kelly which is kinda weird but she's really pretty and i see why he did. she doesn't really get intimit with anyone.
trevor told ms. fleighs everything that we do and what we talk about and what he feels and stuff. its pretty weird. but yet its cool that they can talk and understand each other. we talked about his plans, he wants to be a power lineman and move to california. but i'm gonna be here. and he still wants to date. he hates not hanging out as much as we should, how are we gonna make it months without seeing each other. we talked about my dad. how i got in trouble on tuesday night. dad screamed at me. told me i'm a whore and i'm just a lying snake. i honestly cried from that moment till i went to bed. which was probably an hour. i cried myself to sleep. i hated that feeling. i told trevor that i wanted to physically hurt myself again cuz i was mentally in pain and i wanted it physical. he said he wouldn't let me, he would get me help, make me see a counciler and so on. we like argued about it, i wouldn't get help--no need for it. i don't want help. its my problem. i can deal with it. and at that time my dad was upstair yelling at my brother for probably no reason. he was cussing so much. f this and f that and your an f. FFFFF. really dad. get a grip of yourself. just leave! he has cheated on my mom when i was younger. but i'm pretty sure he still is. she doens't realize anything. he goes and eats with a woman all the time on my dads supper break from work or whatevever. really. get a guy friend to go with you. he thinks i'm a lie. he doensn't even know he's living a lie. i just want to tell him to fuck off and he can have nothing to do with me. ever.
i feel really bad for kelsey right now. she just broke up with jonny. i told her that trevor told me that jonny smokes weed all the time, or whenever he's around it. i want them to be perfect again. they were perfect a couple days ago and now its just all in a hole right now. but really he shouldn't of lied to her. he should just tell her the truth from the getko. you get in bigger trouble lying about something bad than actually saying it up front. but idk. i'm not sure what they're talking about. she's gonna email me their convo next hour. i'm nervous. i hope all the information i'm giving her is false. i'm just telling her whatever trevor is telling me. and i know he wouldn't lie to me. cuz he got in big trouble for lying to me before. i hope things work out for the best. i hope he tells her that he loves her and tells her the truth and they get back together. even though she said she was 100% done. i don't want them to be done. i want them to be good. prom is comming up. ahhhh.
game tonight. its in wagner. i'm going with mary, miranda, abbey, giesler. beau i think but not sure on him. i'm excited. everyone is wearing old time school basketball jerseys. i just thought of the idea that some wore same time era- cheerleading outfits. i wanna wear a cheerleading outfit. it would be so cute. and then maybe i could go by the cheerleaders and show them what i got lol. weird but its a thought. ha
maybe i'll write later. i'm in a half study hall right now. but i got to get some stuff done. :/ i want to be there for kelsey. i want her to come to the game tonight. i need to find her a ridee!!! i want to be with her! i hope she's alright.
me and trevor talked on the phone last night for like 3 hours! he had a list of things for us to talk about. i'm glad we talked about whatever he had. we talked about me talking to matt nelson and john cain. cuz like i get upset when he talks to some girls. which i understand why he gets upset. but i told him i don't even have a crush on matt nelson anymore, i mean yeah he's cute and all but i just don't really like what he does. like he pooped in the basement out at the summer house. really.!. thats discusting. learn how to respect ppl's things, espscially at a house! and he hooked up with kayla kelly which is kinda weird but she's really pretty and i see why he did. she doesn't really get intimit with anyone.
trevor told ms. fleighs everything that we do and what we talk about and what he feels and stuff. its pretty weird. but yet its cool that they can talk and understand each other. we talked about his plans, he wants to be a power lineman and move to california. but i'm gonna be here. and he still wants to date. he hates not hanging out as much as we should, how are we gonna make it months without seeing each other. we talked about my dad. how i got in trouble on tuesday night. dad screamed at me. told me i'm a whore and i'm just a lying snake. i honestly cried from that moment till i went to bed. which was probably an hour. i cried myself to sleep. i hated that feeling. i told trevor that i wanted to physically hurt myself again cuz i was mentally in pain and i wanted it physical. he said he wouldn't let me, he would get me help, make me see a counciler and so on. we like argued about it, i wouldn't get help--no need for it. i don't want help. its my problem. i can deal with it. and at that time my dad was upstair yelling at my brother for probably no reason. he was cussing so much. f this and f that and your an f. FFFFF. really dad. get a grip of yourself. just leave! he has cheated on my mom when i was younger. but i'm pretty sure he still is. she doens't realize anything. he goes and eats with a woman all the time on my dads supper break from work or whatevever. really. get a guy friend to go with you. he thinks i'm a lie. he doensn't even know he's living a lie. i just want to tell him to fuck off and he can have nothing to do with me. ever.
i feel really bad for kelsey right now. she just broke up with jonny. i told her that trevor told me that jonny smokes weed all the time, or whenever he's around it. i want them to be perfect again. they were perfect a couple days ago and now its just all in a hole right now. but really he shouldn't of lied to her. he should just tell her the truth from the getko. you get in bigger trouble lying about something bad than actually saying it up front. but idk. i'm not sure what they're talking about. she's gonna email me their convo next hour. i'm nervous. i hope all the information i'm giving her is false. i'm just telling her whatever trevor is telling me. and i know he wouldn't lie to me. cuz he got in big trouble for lying to me before. i hope things work out for the best. i hope he tells her that he loves her and tells her the truth and they get back together. even though she said she was 100% done. i don't want them to be done. i want them to be good. prom is comming up. ahhhh.
game tonight. its in wagner. i'm going with mary, miranda, abbey, giesler. beau i think but not sure on him. i'm excited. everyone is wearing old time school basketball jerseys. i just thought of the idea that some wore same time era- cheerleading outfits. i wanna wear a cheerleading outfit. it would be so cute. and then maybe i could go by the cheerleaders and show them what i got lol. weird but its a thought. ha
maybe i'll write later. i'm in a half study hall right now. but i got to get some stuff done. :/ i want to be there for kelsey. i want her to come to the game tonight. i need to find her a ridee!!! i want to be with her! i hope she's alright.
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